I kinda forgot about trying to post on here more often.

So I guess I’ll fill you guys on on what’s gone down these past two weeks.

I’ve been in LA and it’s been pretty good. I became a resident, did lots of sightseeing, and chilled. It was a much needed vacation. Blah. I’d go into it with more detail but I’m kinda not in the mood right now. I’ll write more later. But let’s just say, I think I have a plan for my life now. Well at least the first few steps. Thanks to Miss Emily Anne Perkins. Even if we had a conversation two weeks ago, i’ve kept the conversation in mind while here. And I’ve realized what I need to do. I need to not rush into things and plan things accordingly. And that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll make it back here to LA. May not be as soon as I was saying but I know it’s gonna happen. This is one dream i’m not willing to give up on. I’m just thinking more… reasonably before I make any drastic decisions. 

Well, I’m gonna try to enjoy my last night here. Tomorrow is filled with lots of traveling. 

Peace out.

Its just one of those nights where you wish someone were on your side. That’s all. Just someone who understands. 

Dianna Agron wrote my name. xD

I know that sounds dumb but it made me happy :)

I’ve interacted with her three times exactly. Pretty soon we’re gonna be best friends.

HAHA I’m kidding :P 

But seriously, it just makes me super happy and excited because she’s just such an inspiration. I would seriously love to sit down and have a conversation with her. That would be nice :)

Ok.. I’m nervous.

Like REALLY nervous. I was looking up apartments,studios and lofts in LA… and omg idk if I can do this. I’m gonna have to start paying rent, I need to get a car, I’m gonna have to start paying my phone bill, i’m gonna need to pay all the gas and internet. And… I just don’t know if I can do this. I’m seriously freaking out. And I haven’t even left yet. 

Ugh I hate this cuz like…. I want to go badly…. but I’m scared. I’m gonna go broke in the three months. I’m scared. Idk. Idk. 

I was so set and now I don’t know.  I just wish I knew for sure if I was gonna be ok out there. 

Ugh…. I hate this. I hate this feeling.

This feeling of wanting something but feeling so scared of not knowing how things will turn out. 

This is my problem… I dream too much. I imagine things and how they’ll turn out. But then I get slapped in the face by reality. The reality that I’m not rich. I don’t have money.  That’s the thing that makes me nervous. Knowing that I don’t have the money. Well I do have the money but like I said that’ll be enough to last me like three months.

I just need some sort of sign. Something telling me whether I should really do this or not. Whether I should just go for it or just set this dream aside

I don’t know what to do. I’m getting a headache and I feel sick just thinking about it. I just need that sign….. that’s all I need.

Please.

I’m so mad that Coachella is the weekend after I leave LA :/

I MUST GO TO COACHELLA BEFORE I DIE!!!!!

I MUST!!!!!!!!!! 

giantphoto:

Los Angeles

Ok so I guess I should talk about this a little. Considering this is why I’m trying to start up my personal blog again. 

So I’m moving to California. Los Angeles to be exact. When? I’m not exactly sure yet BUT i know its happening… well…. pretty sure.

Here’s the thing….. I’ve ALWAYS wanted to live in California. I was born in Panorama City. Just about 30 minutes north of Downtown LA. We lived there until I was about 3 then we moved to Indianapolis. My parents moved us because at the time, in the late 80’s early 90’s, there was a lot of gang violence going on. My parents didn’t want me growing up in that type of an environment. Well at least that’s what they’ve told me the reason as to why we moved was. And don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful. Indiana has been awesome. But I’ve always felt like my roots were back in Cali. I’ve always known that someday I’d be returning to the City of Angels, the Golden state. And well… that time has come.

I’ve been saving up money and at the end of the month I’m going out to California. Not to move yet. But to at least look for jobs. I’m also gonna get my driver’s license and open up a bank account to start my residency there.  I need to have at least six months of residency in order to get in state financial aid if I wanna eventually to school out there. So I’m taking baby steps now. I’m gonna get those three things done. Mainly apply for jobs.

That’s the big one. That’s the main thing that’s keeping me from going. I can’t move unless I officially have a job and I’ll have sort of income coming in. I mean I have enough money saved up to last me a few months but if I’m wanting to start my life out there I need money. Now everyone keeps telling me that its so expensive and I know this. But I’m trying not to let it get to me. For me its all a matter of being able to budget your money well. Ok. I’m not gonna lie. I tend to spend a lot of my money quickly. I have no bills to pay, no rent, nothing. So I haven’t had to worry about it. But now that I’m actually gonna have all those things to pay, I know I’ll have to make sacrifices and be careful with my money if I wanna make it out in LA. So I’m gonna have to work extra hard in budgeting my money. That’s if I get a job. WIth no job there’s no LA. BUT if I do get a job….. I’m gone. Even if it means now.

I don’t really wanna have to leave my job now, but if I have to I will. If I get offered a job and they tell me they want me to start at the end of the month…. Goodbye Indiana wish me luck! They’re not gonna hold the job for me just so I can finish my job here and I can work at camp. Although I’d like to stay to work at camp this summer, if I need to go… I’ll be going. I need to do this for me. I’m sorry if I’m disappointing people but I need to start my life. I’ve been left behind and I hate it. I’m tried of being in the same place while I watch all my friends go by and start careers, get married, and all that jazz. I’ve wasted two, almost three, whole years of my life. And this is going to be the start.

Moving to Cali will be a brand new chapter in my life. Other than about two-three friends and my aunt and her family, I’ll know NO ONE. I’ll be completely on my own. But this is the way I see it… If I’m alone (except for my family) here in Indiana because all my friends are away at college and such, why not do it alone in California. I’m young enough where I have nothing holding me back. No kids, I’m not married. Nothing. I should be able to experience life on my own. And if all fails, I can at least say I tried and come back home.

Idk. I’m nervous. I’m excited. I’m all kinds of mixed emotions. This is a huge deal. I’m gonna be moving to the other side of the country all by myself. Wow. But you know what…. I’m ready. I wanna see what life has to throw at me. I’m strong enough to know that I can get through it and I’ll be ok. I’m gonna take this experience and make the best of it. It’s not gonna be easy, I know that. But I’m ready to at least try. 

So with fingers crossed, in two weeks I’ll be in LA looking for jobs. I’m praying and hoping I get something because I really wanna do this. So for anyone who reads this, please pray for me. Don’t believe in god, then wish me luck. Don’t believe in luck either, then just keep me in your thoughts.

Alright kiddos. I’m gonna go do some reading. I’ll see ya’ll tmrow :)

-A xx

Tumblr.

Oh tumblr how you’ve taken over my life. In a good way? In a bad way? I’m not so sure. All I know is that in the two years I’ve been on this blog site I have spent countless hours scrolling and reblogging. I think i’ve spent more hours refreshing and scrolling than I have actually blogging. Tsk Tsk.

I originally joined tumblr because I wanted a place of my own where I could write down my troubles and thoughts. Somewhere private. I’ve tried journaling but that always seemed to fail. So I figured a blog would be a good option. And it was. At first. 

I used to actually write posts about what was on my mind or if something was bothering me. I had that freedom of expressing what I felt without others finding out or judging me. But then over time I gained followers that I knew in real life. No offense to you guys. Love me. Please? haha  So I stopped posting as much and began to reblog instead of posting original thoughts. I discovered the Glee fandom on tumblr and was instantly hooked. My personal blog soon became a Glee blog. 

I started following other Glee blogs and became more and more obsessed with this tv show. I soon discovered roleplays. I had never heard of such things in my life. But I attempted to try it out and BAM. Goodbye life. lol I obviously didn’t know what I was doing but it was fun so i continued to do it. Months went by and i discovered I really liked doing this. It improved my writing skills, that’s for sure.  I had some sort of a creative outlet (aside from photography). So from then on I was always rping and ignoring my personal blog turned Glee blog. I decided to make a separate my Glee obsession with my personal life and create a new personal blog. A place where I could post things about me or for me. I figured that would be ok. And boy was that an utter fail. I ignored that one more than I did my Glee blog. All in all this was no bueno.

You’re probably wondering what I’m trying to get at. I understand that my thoughts can be very scattered and random at times so maybe its just best to get to the point. My point is I need to use this blog for what its initial purpose was. For my thoughts. And let me tell you…. I have lots. I just get nervous about posting them and seeing what others will say. But you know what… forget them. This is MY blog. Not theirs. So if they have a problem with it… well too bad. I’m going to write about whatever is on my mind.

So this is me saying here and now that I, Arlene Arianna, will start posting more on my personal blog. Here on Starlene09. Not Lady-Swagron. But here. I’ve got a lot coming up in my life and I’m gonna need somewhere to let it all out. As time draws nearer I’m gonna be come more excited, anxious, nervous. And I need to write it down. I may not post everyday but I’ll try to. And things relevant to me. No matter how scared I am of people judging. This is for me and no one else. 

So now that this long random post is over, I will end here and bid you all adieu. I shall see  you all (metaphorically speaking of course) tomorrow :)

-A xx

(Source: blow-a-kissss-take-it-back)